Fannish vs. Original: My Writing Thoughts

[chasingtides]

I have been doing a lot of fannish writing since finals ended, about fifteen thousand words of it, give or take a bit. That's quite a lot for me, especially as I haven't been writing every day.

I kind of feel bad that I'm not writing my original stuff - or I feel like I should feel bad that I'm not writing my original stuff. I have plenty of in-process original ideas and some waiting around in the wings. I've got zombies and werewolves and a whole steam powered Mongolian empire.

Somehow, though, I feel like my fannish work is more fulfilling. People actually read it for one. I periodically post my original stuff to my writing journal (journeybysea) when I feel proud of it, but as far as I can tell, no one ever bothers to read that. And certainly no one wants to publish it. It languishes.

And writing, as much as I do it because it brings me joy and fulfills me, is about communication. I am expressing myself and my ideas and interacting with my world in words. If I'm interacting with a void, speaking but not hearing, writing but not reading, I am having only half of a conversation and I have never been one to talk to myself when I can talk to others. Even when I was an angst-ridden teenager, I was never big on private journaling - my private thoughts just spiral in on each other until they are incomprehensible - and that is much how my original works are feeling at the moment.

I had hoped to find fellow writers, ones I could interact with on perhaps a monthly basis, but the groups around me explicitly say that they have no desire to welcome science fiction and fantasy writers. While I don't write hard sci-fi/fantasy, I am sure that my zeppelin riding Mongolians and post-apocalyptic zombie cities wouldn't be welcome in these circles. And that's fine - I probably wouldn't be happy workshopping Harlequin-style romance.

But it leaves me a little high and dry with my original writing activities. I could do it. I do do it. But it often ends up feeling like a dead end activity. Communication is a two way street and, at least for the moment, my original writings feel like a one-way dead end. (In addition to these problems, I ask myself, how can I improve as a writer if I am the only one who can give myself feedback? This is a recipe for disaster.)

Fannish writings, on the other hand, particularly if I am participating in a contest or an exchange or even, as I ponder signing up for spn_j2_bigbang, a time lined project with a pre-existing support system, I have a community. They will, I hope, tell me when my writing is lousy. I know they let me know when my writing is good. I am currently floating on writer's cloud nine after seeing the reception of my holiday exchange pieces. (I like making people happy. This is a flaw of mine - I knit for people, I cook for people, I write for people, and often the biggest reward I can get is someone saying, "Wow. Thank you for taking the time and energy. This made me happy.")

I was going to put this under my "writing thoughts" filter, but then I thought better of it. I'm interested in seeing what people have to say about this, whether you are involved in fannish writings yourself or not, whether you write or not.

Comments

[maccaj.livejournal.com]

It sounds like your main problem is that you're trying to deal with the thesis right now and you need writing to be more of a "break" than a task, which is totally understandable. If you're not in a place where your original stuff feels like a break in and of itself (and research-heavy stuff never does, so I feel you there), then of course you'd gravitate to fandom, where everyone's playing by the same rules and has the same background knowledge... fandom's a quicker and easier escape, and it comes with a built in reader base, and I think those reasons pretty much comprise why most people write fanfic (myself included).

Re: writing as communication - sure, that's the ultimate goal. We all want to share our shiny cool world and it's shiny cool characters. But I'll say to you what I've said to samidha, just as food for thought: If your focus is "someday I will share/publish this piece, and that is my end goal, because without readers there is NO POINT OMG," chances are very good that said piece will never get finished. There's a lot of rejection and a lot of radio silence in the original fic world, as you know, and if your *goal* is "I want to have readers and know they're reading"... you'll always be frustrated, particularly with something that involves world-building and research and continuity that takes ages to put together. It's too much work for a "maybe," and everything is a maybe when it comes to original fic, whether you want it in the form of a published piece or a commented-on post. Your first reason has to be "I enjoy it." Your second reason can be "and I want others to enjoy it," but if the first isn't "*I* am enjoying this," you won't be writing at your best, and you won't have fun with the process, and if both those things are true, you won't want to stick with it (and who would, if it feels like just another assignment?).

I don't claim to be the best writer in the world, and I know my current original stuff would need heavy editing to make it publishable. (I've been published many times, so I, as a writer, am publishable, but my current stuff - even with edits, there's just not a market for it.) But knowing that *if* it's ever published, it would have to be self-published, and that when I post it, I'll be lucky to get three comments, doesn't make me one bit less motivated to write, because I adore my characters so much (and they won't shut up. And they gang up on me). That doesn't mean I'm a great writer, but it does spring from the fact that I'm not trying to write a thesis, I'm not in school, and my real life blows so my fictional world is a helluva lot more fun. What I'm getting at, I think, is that if writing isn't *fun*, look at the reasons - I think you've nailed it with the thesis/school thing, personally. If, when you're *not* stressing over those things, writing still isn't fun unless your end goal is sharing it, it's not that you can't write original fic... but it will feel like a slog more often than not, and fanfic will always be more appealing.

While it's nice to get feedback - and I adore making people happy - I usually rely on the betas for the feedback of "You're doing this right and this wrong."

Betas are great - I've got 3 or 4 in my pocket, too. They still miss things, though, and a comment can be useful without dealing with grammar or typos. Sometimes the biggest problems - the "you totally lost me here, I don't follow" ones, are found by someone who's not a regular beta, because the betas already know where you're coming from. Also, a comment can be useful without being negative... regarding my original fic, I'd rather have one "I really liked X because of Y," than 5 "OMG ILU"s.

[chasingtides.livejournal.com]

My focus is never "maybe I'll publish this someday." When I write, my focus is, "Wow. This is awesome. I should tell someone. Or write it down. Writing lets me have more words. Writing. Yes."

I write people stories as gifts when I'm short on money. I write stories for my relatives when they're sick. I write stories to read among friends and family when we get together. I write to commemorate important events. I write because my head is too full of ideas and I would explode if I didn't.

If I got published? That'd be dandy. But that's got nothing to do with why I write.

[maccaj.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry if I came across as such - that wasn't what I meant. The whole point of writing *is* to share it, for all of us. I just meant that if your focus is on the "getting to share it" part *while* you're still writing, it can make the original stuff feel a lot more difficult to write, because there's so much effort involved. I didn't mean to imply as though sharing isn't a valid reason for writing... I've just seen a *lot* of fantastic writers get so hooked on the sharing and so frustrated when they felt like they weren't getting anything in return, that they quit. And I think - personal opinion - that one of the ways to avoid that kind of burnout is to try to keep one's own enjoyment in the forefront while the piece is in progress. That's all.