I've come across the same stereotypes about bisexuality. Like you, I'm also a 50/50, serial monogamist bisexual. My husband, for the record, now identifies as queer, since he considers himself more straight than bisexual, but is attracted to transsexuals. We both believe that sexuality is far more nuanced or fluid than it seems, and that love is genderless.
About a year ago, we discussed in great detail whether the fantasy of sharing a partner would be damaging to our marriage if made reality. We agreed that we'd rather be honest first about our attraction than be unfaithful to each other. We're still committed to each other, and recognize that we do not have the luxury of acting on those fantasies since we have children together. If things ended badly, it would affect them as well.
You make an excellent point: I felt like a sex toy when I was involved in threesomes. I did not feel respected or truly liked, and on one occasion, I felt coerced into letting the guy do stuff to me. Complicating matters was that I had been raped about a year before that, by the same guy. (The most that he'd acknowledge was that perhaps he "was too rough during sex, but c'mon, you like it that way".) Because of that incident, I decided that I would not let anyone use me like that again, not even my best friend.
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Date: 2008-04-08 09:23 pm (UTC)I've come across the same stereotypes about bisexuality. Like you, I'm also a 50/50, serial monogamist bisexual. My husband, for the record, now identifies as queer, since he considers himself more straight than bisexual, but is attracted to transsexuals. We both believe that sexuality is far more nuanced or fluid than it seems, and that love is genderless.
About a year ago, we discussed in great detail whether the fantasy of sharing a partner would be damaging to our marriage if made reality. We agreed that we'd rather be honest first about our attraction than be unfaithful to each other. We're still committed to each other, and recognize that we do not have the luxury of acting on those fantasies since we have children together. If things ended badly, it would affect them as well.
After I came out, I found that everyone assumed that being bisexual meant that I was promiscuous, that I wouldn't mind servicing any couple that approached me, and that I must be into every kink under the sun. I hated the idea that if I wanted to be with a girl, I had to accept her boyfriend as part of a package deal, regardless of our lack of compatibility. While I'm not opposed to a ménage a trois, I'm not into casual sex. Plus, I believe that in the long run, it is extremely difficult to maintain an equilateral relationship between three people, because, for me, I must be emotionally involved with both partners.
You make an excellent point: I felt like a sex toy when I was involved in threesomes. I did not feel respected or truly liked, and on one occasion, I felt coerced into letting the guy do stuff to me. Complicating matters was that I had been raped about a year before that, by the same guy. (The most that he'd acknowledge was that perhaps he "was too rough during sex, but c'mon, you like it that way".) Because of that incident, I decided that I would not let anyone use me like that again, not even my best friend.