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It was requested that I post this at brunch, so here it is.
Points to be taken as given fact:
1. Weasels have sex and give birth via their ears. (Apparently medieval folks didn't spend much time with weasels.)
2. Mary, in order to keep her hymen and therefore her virginity intact, was impregnated by God and gave birth to Jesus via her ear.
Conclusions:
1. As everyone knows that humans do not have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary is not human. (Also, she does not sin, which all humans do.)
2. Since weasels are the only beast who do have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary must be a weasel.
3. Since bestiality in wrong and a sin and God does not sin, God must be a weasel.
4. When two weasels reproduce, the offspring is a weasel. Jesus is a weasel.
Issues that arise from these important theological conclusions:
1. We were made in the God-weasel's image. However, we are not weasels. This is a problem. Is our humanity an expression of our innate sin? If we were sinless, would we revert to our natural weasel forms? Are weasels really sinless humans like Mary? Are furries, who try to be more weasel-like than the rest of the populace, God's chosen people as they are attempting to be more god-like and sinless than the rest of us? What if only furries go to heaven? When they get to heaven, do they get to have their true weasel-y form? Is hell truly human beings because we have rejected the furry way of life?
This theological quandary is brought to you by my new coffee maker and the theology section of the library.
Points to be taken as given fact:
1. Weasels have sex and give birth via their ears. (Apparently medieval folks didn't spend much time with weasels.)
2. Mary, in order to keep her hymen and therefore her virginity intact, was impregnated by God and gave birth to Jesus via her ear.
Conclusions:
1. As everyone knows that humans do not have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary is not human. (Also, she does not sin, which all humans do.)
2. Since weasels are the only beast who do have sex/give birth via their ears, Mary must be a weasel.
3. Since bestiality in wrong and a sin and God does not sin, God must be a weasel.
4. When two weasels reproduce, the offspring is a weasel. Jesus is a weasel.
Issues that arise from these important theological conclusions:
1. We were made in the God-weasel's image. However, we are not weasels. This is a problem. Is our humanity an expression of our innate sin? If we were sinless, would we revert to our natural weasel forms? Are weasels really sinless humans like Mary? Are furries, who try to be more weasel-like than the rest of the populace, God's chosen people as they are attempting to be more god-like and sinless than the rest of us? What if only furries go to heaven? When they get to heaven, do they get to have their true weasel-y form? Is hell truly human beings because we have rejected the furry way of life?
This theological quandary is brought to you by my new coffee maker and the theology section of the library.
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