Diagrams and Wank

[chasingtides]

I was wibbling about my Spanish exam until I found the grammar and spelling wank over at torch_wood. As that comm periodically breaks my language-loving soul, it warmed the icy cockles of my heart to see someone finally call them on it. (And seriously, being dyslexic does not mean that you can get away with posting things that look like they were put through Babelfish six times over. Seriously, people it doesn't.)

I felt vaguely guilty for adding to the wank with my overwhelming joy. I mean, it isn't necessarily totally your fault that you are uneducated and can't be bothered to go out and buy a $6 book. (This only goes to the people writing discussion posts. If you are uneducated and cannot be bothered with grammar or spelling and are writing fic, GTFO.) So, to soothe my eternally guilty Catholic soul, I went searching for grammar and spelling aids online (so people wouldn't even need to spend that $6 to learn grammar). I am a magnanimous soul.

As some people know, I learned grammar in the old-school Catholic manner. This meant diagramming sentences and being hit with rulers. I learned to adore sentence diagramming, which must be some form of Stockholm's Syndrome because no one should like to diagram sentences. I decided that I might like to show torch_wood this love (and maybe some sense could be knocked into them with rulers). Instead I found something that frightens even me:



Oh yes. Someone decided to diagram a sentence from The Scarlet Letter. Just reading that book made me want to weep, never mind trying to diagram Hawthorne. If you're really into sadism, see the same person diagram the first sentence of Milton's Paradise Lost here. If you want to see fairly decent sentence diagramming (since, apparently, most people don't learn this in school?) the basics are here. This website, among others, suggests that children have not been taught how to diagram sentences in schools for roughly thirty years, so I might be among the last of a dying breed. This is quite sad as it was through diagramming that I finally learned (really learned, that is, without needing to consistently consult a grammar books) the parts of a sentence/speech and how to restructure things to express what I wanted to say. It got me beyond simple writing and into higher level writing styles by simply improving my comprehension of language.

... I am now tempted to teach children English just so that I can improve a new generation of writers/speakers by teaching them to diagram.

Ooh! Look, an academic article on sentence diagramming and how it can teach the basics of grammar.

Comments

[alyza.livejournal.com]

This rocks.
I remember learning to diagram in school too. I think only Catholic schools do it these days...

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I diagrammed for... three weeks one year and vowed to never do it again. That said, there are things going on in that sentence I can't even begin to figure out. Maybe that explains why I skimmed so much of the Scarlet Letter.

EDIT: Just took a peek at the post. Don't say that you use a spellchecker in a comment full of errors spellchecker would catch! That's one of my biggest pet peeves. I can understand misused words-- I make those errors all the time-- but all those squiggly red lines going "what in the bleeding hell is a 'reayl'?" should be saying something to you!

[senor-coconut-1.livejournal.com]

Oh, that wank pisses me off because, like I said over there, THERE IS NO EXCUSE for not getting a beta. Don't disclaim your work with "Sorry! Unbeta'd! This is CRAP!!!" I won't read it. I don't even want to click on it because I know half the sentences are going to be filled with misspellings and "Ianto, if you are going to bed I am coming to" or "I am going too bed Ianto want to come to?"

COMMAS, PEOPLE. LEARN THE SUBTLE YET IMPORTANT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN "TO," "TOO," AND "TWO."

Complete sentences aren't too much to ask for, right? I hate when people just throw in dependent clauses and shove a period after them. IT'S NEITHER ARTY NOR AVANT-GARDE.

[chasingtides.livejournal.com]

The wank is pissing me off, too. The bit that's really irritating me, though is the people shrieking, "Stop persecuting the dyslexics!" I don't think anyone is persecuting anyone by asking them not to write incomprehensible sentences. I have dyslexics on my flist and in my literature classes that function just fine. And I seriously doubt that 80% of Torchwood fandom is dyslexic. I will believe, however, that 80% can't be arsed to double check their posts.

[senor-coconut-1.livejournal.com]

SHE DELETED IT!!

The text, at least, is gone, but the comments live on.

I wonder...I have to check fandom_wank. This is the stuff they jizz over.

[morningwind.livejournal.com]

Aw, sentence diagramming. There really must be some form of Stockholm Syndrome involved, because as much as I like to bitch about the Catholic school I attended up through 8th grade, I do look back upon sentence diagramming with some fondness; it's actually useful for learning proper grammar! Too bad it's kind of a lost art at this point.

[misscake]

It's like badly-drawn graphic grammar porn!

Also, I don't believe it when people say that grammar isn't taught. My NINE-YEAR-OLD has learned it.

Also also, hi and ♥

[chasingtides.livejournal.com]

Hello!

Hearing that your son has learned grammar makes me feel better. I mostly learned grammar from my mother and the English teacher that also taught my father and his siblings (albeit I had her as a teacher for several years) so I wasn't sure about the validity of that argument.

[mosaic.livejournal.com]

I learned to diagram sentences in 7th grade, but I went to a private school. I think the public schools don't really teach it, though.

I learned grammar from my parents before I learned it at school, though. And I really like those really long sentence diagrams! That's hilarious.

[nightengalesknd.livejournal.com]

I read about diagraming sentences in Laura Ingalls' books and could not wait to learn how to do so when I got old enough.

I BEGGED to be taught to diagram sentences. When I finally realized no one would teach me I cried. . .

[meanfreepath.livejournal.com]

The only time I remember learning about sentence diagramming, or really getting explicit formal instruction in English grammar, was when I attended Catholic schools in grades two through four.

[arathin.livejournal.com]

The public school system has stopped teaching grammar, which is why no one who attended public school knows what a sentence is. Nor do they know what a comma, colon, semi-colon, preposition, or anything other grammar related thing is. I know... Sadly, I went to public school for two years. Of course this was after growing up in the Montessori School system. I was so far ahead of the public school system that I slept through both years and for straight A+'s in every class.

Then I went to Catholic school. I didn't learn sentence diagramming until Catholic school. However, I already knew how to construct a proper and full sentence from Montessori School. As far as I am concerned my children will go to either Montessori school or Catholic school. Period. Those are the only two school system worth the time spent there.