This Isn't Just An Internet Problem

[chasingtides]

I thought to myself, "Self, why don't you take a break from writing your thesis and your giant stack of fic fests and go read yourself some metafandom tonight?"

Well, now I'm... well, I'm not kicking puppies. I'm kicking stuffed bunny nuggets, but it comes down to the same effect. I didn't expect to see people I respect (albeit on the internet) to be engaging in victim-blaming behavior.

Freda Adler said, "“Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused.” I'm sad to see that she continues to be right, even here.

Holy shit, I'm really angry. I've actually been talking to fandom-involved friends about this and I think this is really important to get out there.

zvi writes 4) The use of the word "privilege" with the categories "reader" and "writer" doesn't make sense. Privilege is talking about systemic advantages accorded to one group of people over another group of people, where membership in either group is either involuntary, a source of a stable sense of identity, e.g. race, religion, gender, health status, age, class.

Wow. I had no fucking idea that rape was voluntary. Call the presses!

Thanks for letting me know, zvi, that I was, in fact, asking for it.

I'm not really sure if I have a whole lot of rational words for the
zvi and liviapenn. If you haven't seen what they've talked about, what they've done, I would advise you to read the post on unfunnybusiness. They summarize things quite nicely. If you're looking for something short and to the point, I advise you look at lcsbanana's post.

Highlights include: The aforementioned "fact" that being raped (abused, assaulted, molested) is a voluntary act; you should automatically assume that unless something is labelled "Does not contain rape (incest, assault, torture, etc.)" that it does include rape (incest, assault, torture, etc.); it is emotional blackmail to ask for warnings after having been triggered; I can only hurt people if I actually intend to hurt people, if I do not want to hurt you, you are not hurt; if you are in such a bad mental state, just get therapy and avoid all media until you're cured; it's the victims of trauma who are privileged; warning for graphic rape is the same as warning for beach balls (and cutting hair and sparkly kittens!); if I say so, I'm not part of rape culture or silencing culture; general silencing of people; general derailing of arguments.

If you're interested in derailing of arguments. check out Derailing for Dummies! It was brought up and made for RaceFail '09.

Ironically - or not - it is applicable here. Applying arguments like, "Why should I warn when I have one character brutally rape another, with graphic descriptions of blood and pain and the crying and the fear? If I do that, someone will want me to warn for sparkly kittens and that is just not fair!" is a derailing argument. Similar arguments would be, "Why should same sex marriage be legal? After that, people will want to marry ducks!" This is also part of the "You're just being oversensitive argument." Clearly, being raped (assaulted, abused, tortured, molested) is the exact same thing as beach balls and sparkly kittens.

There are some things in this that are frustrating me more than other.

One is that these people who are slamming down the idea that rape/assault/abuse is a real problem that should be dealt with by people other than survivors, these people who are saying that experiencing trauma gives you privilege (the privilege to be silenced? to be hurt? to have my choices taken away from me?), these people who are saying that not having the problems of triggers, these people who are derailing the main argument here, are, at least in some cases, the people who argued so loudly during RaceFail.

It was good that they stood up during RaceFail. It was good that there were voices to be heard, that people spoke. However, it is not good that these same people are using the tactics that they denounced. It is not good that these people - or any people - are silencing other people.

In the end, these are not just issues of fandom.

I am speaking as a survivor myself. I am not comfortable going into the details in an open forum, but it does effect my everyday life. It does affect how I react to what I read. Often, if I have a warning, if I am in a good mental place, I can brace myself for it, especially if I've heard good things about either the story or the author. Being blind-sided by graphic rape, even if I am in a good state of mind, can be bad. Being blind-sided by it when I'm in a bad mental state - say, after having a flashback - can be devastating.

Did the author intend to do this to me? No. Do I have some tools at my disposal with which I can begin to deal with this? Yes. However, this does not mean that the bad thing did not happen.

Fandom also does not exist within a vacuum.

When you tell a survivor that s/he should just shut up and deal with it, you are acting along with the rest of the culture that silence survivors. You are speaking alongside all of the people who have told us it is inappropriate for us to talk about what happened to us. When you tell a survivor that the survivor wanted to be a victim, chose to be a victim, or was asking for it somehow, you are standing among many who speak for the victim-blaming culture. When you tell us that rape is like beach balls, your voice is part of the greater voice that tells us that our pain isn't real, that our choice doesn't matter - that our attackers, abusers, assaulters, and rapists matter more, mean more, are more people than we do and are.

People have protested that fandom is their fun place. Fandom is for them to have fun and play and why should they care about our feelings?

Ponder the culture that you're enacting. Just think about it. Do you really want to perpetuate this, even if, or especially if, this is your fun?

Comments

[rugbybaby.livejournal.com]

The overall 'shut up and deal with it' attitude gets me every time. In this case, I have a hard time understanding it. Clearly people don't write this stuff to offend other people, and I doubt anyone is accusing them of that. But it has to be said that people will have reactions to it, and you can't say 'you're doin' it wrong' if they interpret/react in a way you don't like or didn't intend.

I think mainly people just get so defensive and don't know how to handle these situations, which is understandable, unless they don't find it in them to learn from it.