chasingtides | Introductory Post

Inspired by

hecticity and knowing that I have a couple of new folks reading this journal, I decided an introductory post. If you've known me a while, you can skip this or see if I just repeat myself (or if I get something wrong).

Me?

I'm a twenty-one year old queer, liberal, agnosto-pagan geek with a disability and probably an attitude problem. I have one twin brother and two parents, still married. My brother is gay with an apparent tendency to heterosexual relationships. Both of my parents are currently attending a Catholic church and pray for my soul every Sunday when I sleep in. I'm finishing a degree in English and want to get the hell out of here.

You can also probably figure out a lot about me by checking out my interests and communities, even if I had my profile written for me as a fictional life (I'm not married to Julio Vasqualiz, I have no children, I am not tormented by the restless dead). Looking at my profile... Jesus Christ, I watch 181 communities and 152 friends. No wonder I can never keep up with my flist. (Yes, this means that if I happen to hop onto LJ near to the time you post, I will read it and might comment. Otherwise you are probably out of luck, though I do periodically check filters. This doesn't mean I don't love you and want to name you Squishy. It means I have an flist the size of Russia.)

So, in the spirit of

hecticity's post I'll let you know some things about me that you might not have caught on your first (or eighth) run through of my LJ.

I'm queer. Or pansexual. Or bisexual. Or, in the words of some people to whom I longer speak, greedy/slutty/a pervert. I'm definitely attracted to people all over the gender spectrum - male, female, FTM, MTF, genderqueer. It's all good. They can be attractive to me. This doesn't mean everyone's attractive to me. In fact, I find very, very few people spark immediate attraction in me. Let me think. I can count... five in my life. One man, three women, one FTM. Most of my romantic relationships are based, at least on my end, in romanticism rather than sexual drive. It's not that I don't like sex. I just have a very low drive and, generally speaking (those aforementioned sparks aside), I need plenty of things other than "oh wow attractive" to get it going because, well, lots of people are pretty. That doesn't mean I like them. I'm also monogamous, generally speaking.

I also periodically don't like people very much. I might very much like individuals, but generally speaking, I dislike the whole of humanity. I think large groups are screw ups. I'm a cynic. Or a bitch. Whichever term works for you. I think any group gets fucked up eventually. This doesn't mean that the people aren't decent. It just means I don't trust groups. (Any groups. Fandoms. Political parties. Religions. Nations. Ethnic groups. School boards. Companies.)

I'm liberal. Or, I've been told I'm liberal. I don't know. I've always associated the word "liberal" with a bunch of granola eating, vegan, unwashed, anti-gun, anti-violence people who've gone so far left of Neo-Conservative they've come back around to it. I know this is a bad stereotype, but I'm trying to be honest here. On the other hand, I've been told I'm conservative because I knit, sew, can, bake, and do all kinds of traditional 'women's work.' I'm also in favour of our right to bear arms (that's a big one for me). I like the idea of our constitutional rights (yes, Bush, I'm looking at you), freedom, but also social responsibility. I was raised Episco-Catholic and in both arenas, there was a heavy emphasis on giving back to the community and supporting other people when they're going through hard time. Even though I've since left the church, that's a value I've held onto.

I'm agnosto-pagan. I mostly am not entirely sure whether or not I believe in deities, but I kind of hope that there's something bigger than me out there and figure if there's going to be a god, there are going to be many gods. I actively worship a couple of gods and attempt mild, heretical reconstructionism when I do. Athena is a big one, as plenty of people reading this know and can relate. She's important and awesome. I am also called (ever so reluctantly and dragging my feet and bitching and crying) to worship Manannan Mac Lir. I do honour to some traditional Irish gods, especially Airmed and minor deities. I know a lot of people in my position love Lugh and Brighid and the Morrigan, but I've never really felt it.

Religion is important to me. It is something I do on a regular basis and is part of the structure of my life. On the other hand, it is also private and personal. I think this is the most I've written about it here in this journal. It's not something I shove around and I don't expect others to worship as I do. I am not offended if people are atheist, agnostic, or any form of standard or nonstandard religion as long as they aren't hurting themselves or other people and aren't forcing it on me. Religion's your own deal, people.

I'm a geek. You probably know that if you're reading this. I participate (waxing and waning) in fandoms. At the moment, I'm loving Supernatural and Firefly. I had a brief fling with Torchwood until it all became poorly characterised Jack/Ianto. I was heavily involved in the Harry Potter fandom and will probably go back after I finish my degree and have time to reread the books. I dally with a variety of others; check my profile page for details. In other geekery, I read comics, listen to classic rock and punk (apparently, I learned recently, this makes me a complete dork and I was told I was very brave to tell people that I, as a female, listen to it), read and write speculative fiction, spend more time than is healthy on the internet, and generally don't test well in the standard social situation. Real life friends, I apologise. If you are truly offended, perhaps you would like to clarify the criteria for standard social situation.

I have things that I obsess over. I can't have hobbies, only obsessions. I knit like my life depends on it. I love the feel of wool and needles between my fingers. I love the warm of a finished project. I tend to give away my knitting. I also cook. I don't follow recipes. It's really bad. I create them instead. If I remember to write them down and think people would like them, I post them here. I have a great dislike for processed food and restaurant food. Since my digestive problems last October, I find that such foods have a greater chance of irritating my digestion and causing unspeakable pain and/or digestive distress. It's really a lot easier just to make my own food and I don't have to worry about needing to pull the car to the side of the road so I can double over and cry. I wish I was kidding. I write compulsively. You can see the fanfiction results here. I love cuddling, but only on my terms. I bake like there's a short supply of flour and it'll all vanish tomorrow. I love dyeing my hair and want to cry that I have to be a grown up now. I love visiting graveyards, parks, and forests. I like to take my shoes off and wade in the river, where it pools and is still before the waterfall. I write really bad poetry.

I've got dystonia in some childhood onset form that we don't have the genetic markers for yet, if it is genetic at all. I'm probably not a candidate for surgery. My medicine's okay, but both of my doctors agree that it could work better. When I first started on medication, it was great, but then the side effects got bad and nothing's been as good. I use a cane to get around most of the time. If I'm going some place with a lot of walking/carrying (airports, amusement parks, large cities, large malls), I will use my wheelchair because there is little worse than having a case of I've-fallen-down-and-can't-get-up in public. That's unusual, though. More often I get a case of I'm-really-tired-and-can-only-walk-only-my-left-toes-and-everyone-staring-is-making-the-adrenaline-reaction-worse. Me hobbling around isn't that interesting. I've got anxiety problems, but they're getting better. I personally think I have anxious tendencies that were made worse by a poorly prescribed medication (don't get addicted to drugs, kids), poor doctoral supervision, and, yes, I'll admit it, probably sexual assault. (I realised this the first time I went to a bar alone. Hai anxiety.) Combined, their powers are Panic Attack. However, gaining space from the medication, the addiction, and the assaults has made the anxiety significantly better and I begin to think that I will be closer to okay (rather than dysfunctional). I have the aforementioned digestive ailment that is likely IBS. I generally eat and try to function as though I have IBS and I'm fine. When I stray and don't portion off the greasy food to their highly limited time and space, I regret it in very, very serious ways. If we meet in person to eat, I would probably prefer to avoid the greasy, heavy foods and not because I'm on a diet/a health nut/a fascist meanie poo-poo head, but because if I have too much of it (even two meals in four days), I will probably be in tears while I try to digest it.

Maybe you think I'm kind of bitchy. Maybe I am. The last personality test I took told me that I'm most similar to Saddam Hussein. Things to ponder. However, I'd like people to know that I'm open to debate on topics. I can't promise that you will change my mind, but I am willing to engage in honest debate. I will respect that you have your opinions and are entitled to them and expect the same in return. Sometimes I can be mean and have stereotypes stuck in my head. I apologise if they offend you - I know what it is like when someone tries to force stereotypes on you - but I generally form them after experience. For example, as soon as someone tries to convince me that I need to become a vegetarian because people are hurting the poor cows, my hackles go up. I know a couple nice, decent vegetarians. Good people. I've even cooked for them. But most of the ones I know don't stop pushing until I threaten to knock their teeth out and/or eat human meat. You are not such a person? This is great. Then my hackles aren't raised because of you. They are raised because I have had bad, hurtful experiences with people who have used a similar argument as you and have had no respect for me (yes, telling me that I'm killing the world, hurting myself and everyone around me, etc. is lacking in respect for my personal choices*). If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't apply to you.

My dreams for life include: I want to own a sheep farm someday. Maybe with some goats, too. And herding dogs and a guard llama. I want to find a way to travel the world that doesn't kill me. I want to get published. I want to find someone to share my life with, who I love and who loves me back, as equals. I want to own a puppy. I want to be successful. I want to be happy. I want to help people. I want to live in different parts of the country (and maybe Canada). I want to have my own money. I want to teach people how to do the things that I love.

*I apologise to the vegetarians reading this. I really don't hate you. I have just had some bad experiences recently with militant vegetarians/vegans and damn it, I have every right in the world to eat meat.

Current Music: Il Fondamento - Heinichen: Gallant Court Music - Concerto A7, Seibel 214 Vivace

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Date: 2008-08-15 04:13 am (UTC)

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It's Not Down in Any Map

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