Inspired by [ profile] hecticity and knowing that I have a couple of new folks reading this journal, I decided an introductory post. If you've known me a while, you can skip this or see if I just repeat myself (or if I get something wrong).


I'm a twenty-one year old queer, liberal, agnosto-pagan geek with a disability and probably an attitude problem. I have one twin brother and two parents, still married. My brother is gay with an apparent tendency to heterosexual relationships. Both of my parents are currently attending a Catholic church and pray for my soul every Sunday when I sleep in. I'm finishing a degree in English and want to get the hell out of here.

You can also probably figure out a lot about me by checking out my interests and communities, even if I had my profile written for me as a fictional life (I'm not married to Julio Vasqualiz, I have no children, I am not tormented by the restless dead). Looking at my profile... Jesus Christ, I watch 181 communities and 152 friends. No wonder I can never keep up with my flist. (Yes, this means that if I happen to hop onto LJ near to the time you post, I will read it and might comment. Otherwise you are probably out of luck, though I do periodically check filters. This doesn't mean I don't love you and want to name you Squishy. It means I have an flist the size of Russia.)

So, in the spirit of [ profile] hecticity's post I'll let you know some things about me that you might not have caught on your first (or eighth) run through of my LJ.

I'm queer. Or pansexual. Or bisexual. Or, in the words of some people to whom I longer speak, greedy/slutty/a pervert. I'm definitely attracted to people all over the gender spectrum - male, female, FTM, MTF, genderqueer. It's all good. They can be attractive to me. This doesn't mean everyone's attractive to me. In fact, I find very, very few people spark immediate attraction in me. Let me think. I can count... five in my life. One man, three women, one FTM. Most of my romantic relationships are based, at least on my end, in romanticism rather than sexual drive. It's not that I don't like sex. I just have a very low drive and, generally speaking (those aforementioned sparks aside), I need plenty of things other than "oh wow attractive" to get it going because, well, lots of people are pretty. That doesn't mean I like them. I'm also monogamous, generally speaking.

I also periodically don't like people very much. I might very much like individuals, but generally speaking, I dislike the whole of humanity. I think large groups are screw ups. I'm a cynic. Or a bitch. Whichever term works for you. I think any group gets fucked up eventually. This doesn't mean that the people aren't decent. It just means I don't trust groups. (Any groups. Fandoms. Political parties. Religions. Nations. Ethnic groups. School boards. Companies.)

I'm liberal. Or, I've been told I'm liberal. I don't know. I've always associated the word "liberal" with a bunch of granola eating, vegan, unwashed, anti-gun, anti-violence people who've gone so far left of Neo-Conservative they've come back around to it. I know this is a bad stereotype, but I'm trying to be honest here. On the other hand, I've been told I'm conservative because I knit, sew, can, bake, and do all kinds of traditional 'women's work.' I'm also in favour of our right to bear arms (that's a big one for me). I like the idea of our constitutional rights (yes, Bush, I'm looking at you), freedom, but also social responsibility. I was raised Episco-Catholic and in both arenas, there was a heavy emphasis on giving back to the community and supporting other people when they're going through hard time. Even though I've since left the church, that's a value I've held onto.

I'm agnosto-pagan. I mostly am not entirely sure whether or not I believe in deities, but I kind of hope that there's something bigger than me out there and figure if there's going to be a god, there are going to be many gods. I actively worship a couple of gods and attempt mild, heretical reconstructionism when I do. Athena is a big one, as plenty of people reading this know and can relate. She's important and awesome. I am also called (ever so reluctantly and dragging my feet and bitching and crying) to worship Manannan Mac Lir. I do honour to some traditional Irish gods, especially Airmed and minor deities. I know a lot of people in my position love Lugh and Brighid and the Morrigan, but I've never really felt it.

Religion is important to me. It is something I do on a regular basis and is part of the structure of my life. On the other hand, it is also private and personal. I think this is the most I've written about it here in this journal. It's not something I shove around and I don't expect others to worship as I do. I am not offended if people are atheist, agnostic, or any form of standard or nonstandard religion as long as they aren't hurting themselves or other people and aren't forcing it on me. Religion's your own deal, people.

I'm a geek. You probably know that if you're reading this. I participate (waxing and waning) in fandoms. At the moment, I'm loving Supernatural and Firefly. I had a brief fling with Torchwood until it all became poorly characterised Jack/Ianto. I was heavily involved in the Harry Potter fandom and will probably go back after I finish my degree and have time to reread the books. I dally with a variety of others; check my profile page for details. In other geekery, I read comics, listen to classic rock and punk (apparently, I learned recently, this makes me a complete dork and I was told I was very brave to tell people that I, as a female, listen to it), read and write speculative fiction, spend more time than is healthy on the internet, and generally don't test well in the standard social situation. Real life friends, I apologise. If you are truly offended, perhaps you would like to clarify the criteria for standard social situation.

I have things that I obsess over. I can't have hobbies, only obsessions. I knit like my life depends on it. I love the feel of wool and needles between my fingers. I love the warm of a finished project. I tend to give away my knitting. I also cook. I don't follow recipes. It's really bad. I create them instead. If I remember to write them down and think people would like them, I post them here. I have a great dislike for processed food and restaurant food. Since my digestive problems last October, I find that such foods have a greater chance of irritating my digestion and causing unspeakable pain and/or digestive distress. It's really a lot easier just to make my own food and I don't have to worry about needing to pull the car to the side of the road so I can double over and cry. I wish I was kidding. I write compulsively. You can see the fanfiction results here. I love cuddling, but only on my terms. I bake like there's a short supply of flour and it'll all vanish tomorrow. I love dyeing my hair and want to cry that I have to be a grown up now. I love visiting graveyards, parks, and forests. I like to take my shoes off and wade in the river, where it pools and is still before the waterfall. I write really bad poetry.

I've got dystonia in some childhood onset form that we don't have the genetic markers for yet, if it is genetic at all. I'm probably not a candidate for surgery. My medicine's okay, but both of my doctors agree that it could work better. When I first started on medication, it was great, but then the side effects got bad and nothing's been as good. I use a cane to get around most of the time. If I'm going some place with a lot of walking/carrying (airports, amusement parks, large cities, large malls), I will use my wheelchair because there is little worse than having a case of I've-fallen-down-and-can't-get-up in public. That's unusual, though. More often I get a case of I'm-really-tired-and-can-only-walk-only-my-left-toes-and-everyone-staring-is-making-the-adrenaline-reaction-worse. Me hobbling around isn't that interesting. I've got anxiety problems, but they're getting better. I personally think I have anxious tendencies that were made worse by a poorly prescribed medication (don't get addicted to drugs, kids), poor doctoral supervision, and, yes, I'll admit it, probably sexual assault. (I realised this the first time I went to a bar alone. Hai anxiety.) Combined, their powers are Panic Attack. However, gaining space from the medication, the addiction, and the assaults has made the anxiety significantly better and I begin to think that I will be closer to okay (rather than dysfunctional). I have the aforementioned digestive ailment that is likely IBS. I generally eat and try to function as though I have IBS and I'm fine. When I stray and don't portion off the greasy food to their highly limited time and space, I regret it in very, very serious ways. If we meet in person to eat, I would probably prefer to avoid the greasy, heavy foods and not because I'm on a diet/a health nut/a fascist meanie poo-poo head, but because if I have too much of it (even two meals in four days), I will probably be in tears while I try to digest it.

Maybe you think I'm kind of bitchy. Maybe I am. The last personality test I took told me that I'm most similar to Saddam Hussein. Things to ponder. However, I'd like people to know that I'm open to debate on topics. I can't promise that you will change my mind, but I am willing to engage in honest debate. I will respect that you have your opinions and are entitled to them and expect the same in return. Sometimes I can be mean and have stereotypes stuck in my head. I apologise if they offend you - I know what it is like when someone tries to force stereotypes on you - but I generally form them after experience. For example, as soon as someone tries to convince me that I need to become a vegetarian because people are hurting the poor cows, my hackles go up. I know a couple nice, decent vegetarians. Good people. I've even cooked for them. But most of the ones I know don't stop pushing until I threaten to knock their teeth out and/or eat human meat. You are not such a person? This is great. Then my hackles aren't raised because of you. They are raised because I have had bad, hurtful experiences with people who have used a similar argument as you and have had no respect for me (yes, telling me that I'm killing the world, hurting myself and everyone around me, etc. is lacking in respect for my personal choices*). If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't apply to you.

My dreams for life include: I want to own a sheep farm someday. Maybe with some goats, too. And herding dogs and a guard llama. I want to find a way to travel the world that doesn't kill me. I want to get published. I want to find someone to share my life with, who I love and who loves me back, as equals. I want to own a puppy. I want to be successful. I want to be happy. I want to help people. I want to live in different parts of the country (and maybe Canada). I want to have my own money. I want to teach people how to do the things that I love.

*I apologise to the vegetarians reading this. I really don't hate you. I have just had some bad experiences recently with militant vegetarians/vegans and damn it, I have every right in the world to eat meat.
ext_21906: (needles)

From: [identity profile]

I rule? I thought I was being a wangsty cynic who probably shouldn't post after being informed of a six day week in New England brand new monsoon season.

Apparently being a ship-wrecked rat suits me. Awesome!

Randomly, did anything posted startle you? Inquiring mind want to know.

From: [identity profile]

Randomly, did anything posted startle you? Inquiring mind want to know.

not at all. i am a fan of brutal honesty, even if people don't like me because of it. so, that is why you rule. i'm like that, and i come off as a bitch. it doesn't bother me that people think i'm a big dickhead, most of the time either. i'd rather be honest and have people not like me than spend my life kissing ass.
ext_21906: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

Ah yes. That. It's one of the big reasons I want to be able to host open debate here. Not everyone has to agree with me. Not everyone is supposed to. I sure as hell don't agree with everyone else. And I'm not going to censor someone just because they're honest. If I don't like it, I can go suck it.

From: [identity profile]

Wow, this is a really assertive, astute, and open piece of communication. I am deeply impressed. I've always enjoyed you and your writing, but I think this is really quite good.
ext_21906: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

Thanks. I think I talked here about a couple of things that haven't made it onto this journal unless obliquely, like religion and assault (although I guess that was pretty oblique, wasn't it?). Wasn't sure/Am not sure how that'll go, but I figure it's out there now.

From: [identity profile]

1) I second [ profile] jameserin's comment (probably because I really like both of you).

2) There are a number of things on here that you've said far better than I ever could, which factors into point numero uno. Like being sexually attracted only to a few people. Although I'm starting to think I'm very fucked for relationships, as I either want safe and comfortable or terrifyingly wonderful with lots of D/s problems.

Um. That was not meant to be the point of this comment.

3) I know what you mean about vegetarians. I had it kind of on the other side; I was a not-scary-and-in-your-face vegetarian for a while, and people always asked me about why I still wore shoes that had animal skins because they expected all vegetarians to be like the ones you're describing. It's nice to see that you recognize that, because it's a two-way street. I just dislike the taste of meat, most of the time; I'd be a failure as a biology geek if I didn't say that yes, omnivores are allowed to and should definitely be allowed to eat meat (but if they don't want to, they shouldn't have to, either). Being an omnivore is all about being able to choose your food because you can eat just about anything you want.

Oh hai, long and geeky comment. tl;dr: I agree with almost everything you said, and the things I don't agree with are still cool with me because, well, it's you. :)
ext_21906: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

2) Yeah. I get a lot of people who are all, "But you're bi/pan/whatever, how come you don't like people? Doesn't that mean you're asexual?" No. I'm just... picky and most people aren't attractive.

3) I'm good friends with some vegetarians. I dated a nonmilitant one for a while and our eating habits had nothing to do with our break-up. People can eat whatever they damn well please. It's just that some of my favourite foods are meat dishes and if I have the capabilities to consume them, then I will.

From: [identity profile]

2) People need to read the dictionary more, clearly. (Or is that joke in bad taste now?) Either way. Their definitions are all screwy. One (admittedly fucked up and oddly naive thirteen-year-old) girl thought pansexuals were attracted to stuffed animals and nothing else.

3) I agree. I am personally forced to eat meat because I just don't get enough nutrients when I don't (it has significantly improved my weird blood sugar problems for some reason, though I'm not sure what exactly it is that I get from meat and don't get otherwise, as it has nothing to do with getting enough protein or even with iron, because I am not and have never been anemic). I don't like it, but there are ways to cook it that work for me -- mostly very overcooked by most people's standards.

42) Also, I would love to have a discussion about religion with you sometime if you're up for it. You already know how I feel about it, I think; I don't know very much about any of the deities you talked about (besides Athena) and I wouldn't mind hearing what it is that attracts you to worship. It's something that I don't understand well because it doesn't comfort me to believe in deities and most people I could ask about this would just want to put the fear of god (God?) in me. Also, I did think when I was younger that if I were to be religious, I would believe in multiple gods. Having one makes less sense to me for some reason, though I have trouble explaining this sort of thing even to myself.
ext_21906: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

2) That joke will never be in bad taste.

3) B12? I think I read somewhere that there are some nutrients that are hard to get as a vegetarian and nigh on impossibly for vegans because our bodies can't make them and plants can't make them, but the go betweens do make them?

42) I would love to talk religion with you. I freely admit my agnosto-atheistic tendencies up front though. I'll never forget my first day in Catholic school when I realise, to my great dismay, that people didn't just say prayers because that's what you were supposed to do on Sunday morning. It hadn't occurred to me to try to believe in anything until then. I'd been raised Christian, but hadn't really believed in God (I'd read the Bible all the way through by this point and taken away instructions on how to be a good person and the firm belief that perhaps some people had needed some mental help if they believed some winged people were carrying other people to the sky in chariots of fire). Thus began a quest for religion that sort of continues today although I'm now much more comfortable with being mostly agnostic with bouts of neo-pagan UPG.

From: [identity profile]

3) It might be B12. I have no clue :|.

42) Excellent! I have agnosto-atheistic tendencies too, to the max, so we ought to be good. I'll try to be on AIM sometime soon.

From: [identity profile]

I third [ profile] jameserin on the you ruling part. It's all so blunt and honest, it's a little intimidating. But awesome. I'm happy you're on my flist.

From: [identity profile]

I like you, even if we don't always see eye to eye on something, and there's a lot we share in common with this (except, amazingly, I don't have to walk with a cane anymore, though it still feels like it's not entirely true...), and I also make up recipes! Though I'm too embarrassed to post mine.

I'm a firm believer that... once you know what sort of flavours go together (or are willing to experiment) you can create miracles (and disasters, sigh).

And yeah, I've had bad experiences with militant vegos too, though luckily one of my old good friends is a vegie and was happy for me to eat whatever. Her brother was also a vegetarian (their whole family is) and he was *really* militant. Like, where she'd be easygoing he'd be like 'do you KNOW how they treated that meat before you're eating it?' And in the end I'd just have to say things like 'yes, I'm woefully cruel, I'm just a capitalist pig, please, don't listen to anything I have to say, I am a worthless excuse for a human being etc.' Eventually he stopped badgering me, but I think he agreed with me every time I said that. Lol.

And yeah, what is it with being pansexual, but people thinking that you're suddenly asexual or something just because you're not attracted to them / their friends / that person who is apparently 'really hot.'

This is quite a cool idea.

Also, boo to IBS, it is the bane of my existence. One of many acronymned banes, like GERD and PTSD.

From: [identity profile]

Oh M. I miss you so, i want to get you a black tam, a thompson sub, and a rambler i can drive while you shoot the revenuers chsing us as we deliver moonshine.

From: [identity profile]

And herding dogs and a guard llama.

Okay, this part made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that image. Hee!

As far as militant vegetarianism goes, [ profile] theantijoss and I had a comment discussion on how disrespectful of other people's wishes and whatnot it is to try and cajole them into your lifestyle choices. It just doesn't make any sense to me either of us and, in my own our opinions, trying to force someone else to do what I do invalidates my entire reason behind it so I'm wholeheartedly in agreement with you about it. I don't see the point in coercion. It's disgusting.

Your thoughts on religion got me thinking (again) about how I appear to be nondenominational for all intents and purposes, but that something about Judaism draws me in like nothing else. Catholicism actually comes in as a close second, but not for any of the reasons most people who practice these religions would believe. I am agnostic, myself, but something about of religion -- not the fanatical destruction these beliefs seem prone to creating -- but the idea of finding peace within and without yourself not only through words, but actions and trying to connect to something...simply fills me with a sense of happiness that I haven't the words to express.

I love prayer more than anything. I love what could be called religious languages (Hebrew and Latin are my third language loves, with Irish Gaelic coming in a solid first) because of the sounds they form inside you and the feelings that accompany it. I'm not sure I'm making much sense, but I've never gotten any of these feelings from going to Protestant church, which is what I was raised in.

Which could be a clue. I don't know. The closest I ever came to having a wonderful experience in church that I can remember is a gospel song that we were taught for a program. I still love that song so much, but nothing else about Baptist church feels that way about me. Whereas going to synagogue and Mass on separate occasions were singularly unforgettable. I'm not at all sure what that means and at this point, I refuse to worry about it. My relationship with the Parent (which, again, differs from the 'norm') is my own business and I don't feel the need to quantify it, nor can I. Which I suppose would be the problem most have with me.

Oh, right, that and I completely disagree with the common religious stance on homosexuality. I cannot abide it. It seems illogical to me. If it wasn't something that naturally occurred and was a so-called choice, then I guess all the numerous examples of exclusive homosexuality within animal species must be some kind of fluke. Especially since it's also commonly espoused that animals 'never left God's embrace'.

The fact that I spend so much time thinking about all of this could be why I'm so interested in philosophy. I could live in Borders' Philosophy aisle, I tell you. *nods*
ext_7856: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

I really appreciate your honesty in this post. You are a very articulate and succinct writer who is able to convey a sense of both brutal honesty and humor all at once. Well done.

You and I are opposites in many ways, mostly in that I'm a grounded-but-sometimes-hopeless romantic who has the sex drive of a 18-year-old boy - which is unfortunate since I'm neither 18 nor a boy. heh.

It's also lovely to have another English major on my flist... Yay! I'm a shameless Christopher Marlowe, John Lyly, and Sir Philip Sidney fangirl, btw, so I'll gush.

I really look forward to getting to know you through your journal.

ext_21906: (Jesus loves you (not like that))

From: [identity profile]

I'm more of a Chaucer fan, but good to have you aboard.

From: [identity profile]

This was quite refreshing, not a usual 'oh hay introduction post' thing. I like your brutal honesty. I wish I could post a real introduction on my journal, but alas, I'm a pussy who cares what other people think of her. Oh well.

From: [identity profile]

Wow, you are seriously such an amazing person.

I admire your honesty. Your words are just so passionate and upfront about everything.

I can't wait to get to know you better, I really can't!

I'm so glad to have you on my flist. ♥

From: [identity profile]

This post reaffirms just how amazing a person and friend you really are. We have been friends now for four years and counting, and I treasure all the moments that we have had together. I must admit though that this post gave me a chance to really know you even better than I had done before. After reading this post, I now have a better understanding of where your views and stances on issues such as identity, religion, and lifestyle choices are. Thank you for giving me and others a chance to know you even better. I am really glad that we are friends, and I look forward to many more wonderful years of treasured moments. *hugs*

From: [identity profile]


I'm kind of speechless right now, so I friended you. I hope you don't mind. <3
ext_21906: (Default)

From: [identity profile]

Just let me know what filters you want to be on! (The page is linked in my profile)

From: [identity profile]

So we're kind of freakishly alike, you and I. I would go into all of the ways, but that would turn into a very long essay that would probably get way too political/rambling, so instead I'll just say: yes, you do indeed fucking rock, and it's nice to make your acquaintance. Also, you have giant iron balls to make a post like this. A lot of people on the internet are fucking douchenozzles and get offended at the drop of a hat because they take everything too seriously. I, on the other hand, am a vegetarian and still laughed my way through your veggie ramblings. (And no, my vegetarianism is not for those ridiculous, wanky, "OMG POOR COWS" reasons. In fact I hate those people and am very much ashamed that I am sometimes lumped into that group by association. Fuck you too, stereotypes, fuck you very much.) I'd love to make a post like this, but, well. My attention span is too short and I usually get bored talking about myself within like a paragraph. Thanks, ADD, 'preciate it.

Didn't I say something about how this would turn long and rambling? Huh.

Anyway the point is: OH HAI THAR, I think you're awesome.
ext_2955: black and white photo of flying birds and a lamp-post (SPN: Castiel thinks Dean is worth saving)

From: [identity profile]

Hi, Friending you if you don't mind, because Meta makes me epically happy and I'd love to get to know you better. Also, you linked me to researchy stuff, which is always a good indicator :D

From: [identity profile]

I'd like to friend you, hope you might do the same... found you via [ profile] alyza freaking out about Obama's peace prize and found your comments there and what I've briefly read of your public content to generally depict someone cool and worth reading.

From: [identity profile]

Love this. You sound like a fascinating person I'd love to get to know. I also just found out I have dystonia, btw. I'm adding you.
ext_313720: Mine. (Kemet~ Bast~ Yay stuffs)

From: [identity profile]

Ookay: How much would it mean if I sat in front of your door and meekly meowed I'd like to be let in? O_o Awesome introduction, in every way.


chasingtides: (Default)

Most Popular Tags

Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags