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[chasingtides]

First of all, I identified way too much with Dean this episode. I try not to identify with fictional characters too much, but um, yes. I was the person who - well, I had a reputation for slutting it up in high school (including the awkward moments when the girls shrieked at me about hooking up with guys across the school). There was one point where I was happily seeing three guys at the same time (I made sure they all had the same name) and... okay. Yeah. You get the picture. I didn't really have friends, but I did have guys. (Also, Dean's reaction of, "I'm going to rip out his lungs!" is totally my reaction when people hurt people I care about.)

So, I'm kind of biased. I relate to Dean. I totally did that and it definitely covered my - real or imagined - social deficiencies. And pansexuality/queerness. But we won't talk about any of that.

I don't like young!Dean. He has a weird accent and looks about 10 or 12 years older than Colin Ford. My fellow viewers were vocal in objecting to the vast age difference in the actors.

Oh, Sam, this is why I had trouble liking you in season one. (I'm sorry. I have really Dean-identifying issues.) a) Dean makes sure you have everything you need for school, b) Dean clearly takes care of you, c) Dean tries to protect you in the only way he knows how - but only your English teacher takes an interest in you. WTF? I can see thinking that at 14 (everyone's an ass at 14), but he's 26 now - plenty of time for introspection.

I feel like... Sam doesn't quite understand what Dean does for him, that Dean's life is and always has been Sam. I thought that Sam had figured that out since, you know, Dean sold his soul for him. Apparently not. This makes me unhappy, mostly because it makes my Big Bang seriously, seriously AU.

Dirk = Dean. Yes. Dirk is totally Dean. I think it's symbolic that Sam destroyed Dirk's life. That's kind of what Sam did when he went to Stanford and wrecked the Dean-John-Sam trinity to all hell. (Then he came back and we have the show.) Is this saying something about Sam being careless or not thinking before he acts? I think so.

In other news, I don't think we needed the anvil about Dean's self esteem issues. Or that's Sam's the people person in this dynamic duo.

I'm also not sure who it is - writer, wardrobe, director - but someone really, really likes dressing Jensen up in some interesting costumes this season. I'm just saying.

I'm not sure. This felt a lot like a season one episode, both in the MotW style, but also in where the brothers are emotionally - haven't they matured in four years?

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[chasingtides.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm like Dean too much. I've never much felt like I belonged - but as long as I have a little group of my people, I'm fine and will defend them to the death. (I learned the hard way in junior high that it's not okay for a guy's sister to haul off and punch the guy who beat up her brother.)

I'm not someone who sits around a talks about her feelings (I'll write here more about my feelings than I think I've ever talked about them in my life) and my reaction, when someone hurts some I love, is to haul off and hit them. (This reaction is often mitigated by being small and female - it's adorable or, at worst, mildly irritating. And, yes, the last fist fight I was in was in high school, so a fair few years ago, but, yes.) That's how I express caring - I don't say something, but I'll do something, especially to help you, protect you. I'll feed you, keep you warm, beat up your enemies, but if you want me to talk about it? I will probably do my best to keep both of our mouths filled with food so we don't have to.

I do think that Dean needs other people in his life, but I think this episode also makes it clear why that's not true. He had no ability to put down roots - and no reason to want to - and he is not naturally a people person. (I think it was clear in this episode that he's learned a little too much from movies and not enough from real life.)

Is it selfish? Sure. But he also doesn't have anything else in his life. To lose everything? I wouldn't be surprised if Dean had some kind of break down when Sam went to college.

Sam leaving? Is normal. But is he normal? Is his situation normal? I suspect - judging by how he interacts with John and Dean - that he might have been able to attack going to college better than he likely did. John, despite all, appears to love his sons - I have trouble imagining him telling Sam not to come back if Sam approached the situation as, "Well, I'd really like to go to college and here's why it's a good idea for both of us..."